Identity Gap

Twenty-five years of research has revealed patterns that shows many of the issues we struggle with in life stem from a gap between who we see ourselves as and who others see us as. This gap I call an Identity Gap.

It reveals that our great conflicts and pains in life are all rooted in gaps in our identity, that is, who we want to be or who we see ourselves being or becoming. If we have Balance in our lives and support for our identity (meaning others see us in the same way we want them to), then we have harmony, support, and love in our lives.

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The larger the gap (meaning others see us differently than we want them to) the more unhappiness, and unfulfillment we have in our lives. This unhappiness flows over into other areas creating hurdles and noise that blocks our Balance and our Awareness.

When our network of support we have in place around us, sees us differently, then the resulting conflict reduces any actual support or love we feel (and sometimes even replaces it with hate).
As you can imagine or have experienced, emotional frustrations and conflicts are painful.

They create noise and distractions in our lives, keeping us away from the priorities that matter the most. The emotional pain also leaks into the lives of those around us, making them struggle too. Their struggles, do the same to us, creating a negative and painful cycle.

Have you taken a few minutes to take a deeper look at which specific Gaps you might be struggling with in your life? Make sure you do. You will be surprised just how much of a difference being aware of your Gaps and working to reduce them makes. You will notice feeling lighter, more peaceful and happier in life.

When taking the PIQ Living Identity Gap assessment, your Identity, Resources and Support are the three core areas that we address to assess the gaps. These are the three areas you need to strengthen to enjoy Balance and a life of Significance. The Identity Gap (IG) Needs Assessment will help reveal which areas in life cause frustrations for you and drag you back. Identify the Gaps that bring friction in your Identity, Resources and Support systems.

There are three main possible paths that people take when they struggle with Identity Gaps.
If we can Recognize when there is an Identity Gap between how we see ourselves and how our Support network sees us, we can Adapt by:

  • a) Shifting our perspective of ourselves.
    It may be a situation where others think higher of us – which is a good perspective to adjust to. Sometimes they view us as weaker than what we feel, so shifting perspective may also mean giving up on seeing the best in ourselves. Accepting how other’s see us when it’s less than how we see ourselves, or how other’s want us to be, shows a weakness in those around us to inflate their self-worth.
  • b) Persuading others to adopt our personal perspective.
    Start selling our perspective of ourselves to those around us. They’ll either come along and adapt to us or reject our view. So either way we know where we stand at that point and we can adapt.
  • c) Integrating a new Support network and environment that is more closely aligned with our perspective of ourselves. It involves surrounding ourselves with people who see the best in us and who are confident enough to allow us to shine.

As you can see, (a) and (b) are the normal life course for most, and (c) is an outside-the-box solution that many achieve with the support of a mentor and Significance.
If a person fails to adapt, they make one of the following choices, all of which fall into psycho-social disorders. The three options are: Deny, Accept, and Reject.
Our founder, Dave Darby, developed an acronym for the cycle of managing our Identity Gaps, called RA•DAR. We need to have our ‘personal radar’ on to effectively manage and control Identity Gaps. You can learn more from the article below.

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